Race to Witch Mountain (Andrew Auld Style)

Synopsis
Timon fast forwards Hotel for Dogs and decides to share his backstory to the beginning of the movie after telling Max his story.

Timon's Backstory
Timon's backstory begins when the stars are zoomed out way further to view a kindergarten (in 1994 from April of 6) where Seth is 4, and when he grows up to be a Witch Mountain fan, causing the kids to laugh. In 2009, Seth is all grown up to turn 21 and sees Pumbaa by one of the lockers and says, "Does Bruno have permission to come in space?" and is approached by a college teacher, telling him he's late to get his homework. That's where the beginning of the story started. Timon pranks the spacecraft by placing a giant trampoline in Searchlight, Nevada on the ground, causing the spacecraft to run out of gas. "The troublemaking meerkat was right! I do end up dying in a spaceship crash!" the aliens said. At the house, Seth & Sara are told to get their homework done and doesn't end up being late for school. It is interrupted to see Bruno in a cab, going on an adventure. When Timon's backstory ends, Timon asks Uncle Max and Ma if alien teenagers are returning to Earth including Ma's whereabouts. Meanwhile, Seth is sent to the Antique Angel Wedding Chapel with Sara and got married. Henry Burke is alive to become a minister to nickname Reverend Burke. 9 years later, Seth & Sara became adults to raise Brad, Carla, Russell and Trent (as new children) and becomes the Friedmans. Seth (as 42 years) sees Timon as an elderly man (which is 90 years) being told that their parents were dead, and it's where the movie ends.

Airings
March 13, 2009 (Theaters)

August 4, 2009 (DVD)

January 27, 2018 (Race to Witch Mountain 1½, on DVD and Only in Andrew Auld on YouTube)

Timon and Pumbaa at the Cinema: Race to Witch Mountain
{The video begins to show the Columbia Pictures logo.}

Timon: Well, enough of that. {He holds up a remote control and begins fast-forwarding through the movie}

{Camera pulls back to show Timon and Pumbaa in silhouette in a row of theater seats, Mystery Science Theater 3000-style.}

Pumbaa: Uh... Timon, what are you doing?

Timon: I'm fast-forwarding to the part where we come in!

Pumbaa: {aghast} But you can't go out of order!

Timon: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote!

Pumbaa: But everyone's gonna get confused! {He grabs a second, bigger remote} We gotta go back to the beginning of the story. {He begins rewinding the movie}

Timon: We're not in the beginning of the story! {He pauses the movie on the stars, with a monkey screech; the movie begins fast-forwarding again}

Pumbaa: Yes, we were! The whole time. {rewinds; the film reverses on a shot of Siphon with a squawk of confusion}

Timon: Yeah, but they don't know that! {indicates the audience; switches the movie direction again, on Bruno & Friedman, with a lion-roar sound}

Pumbaa: Then why don't we tell them our story? {pauses the movie on a snarling close-up of Henry Burke; Timon and Pumbaa both shriek and dive under their seats}

Timon: {slowly re-emerging} Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we tell him our story?

Pumbaa: Oh, I like the sound of that.

Timon: A little backstage tour. Take 'em behind the scenes for a revealing and intimate look at the story within the story!

Pumbaa: 'Cause what they don't know is how we really were there even though they didn't know we were there, you know?

Timon: Couldn't have said it better myself! {rewinds the movie again}

Pumbaa: So does this mean we're going back to the beginning?

Timon: {melodramatically} Oh, no, Pumbaa. No. We're going way back... to before the beginning.

When I Was Young...
Timon: Pumbaa, how can a spacecraft be proud? It's a spacecraft.

Pumbaa: Well I think it's because a spacecraft is what they call a group of aliens.

Timon: Oh, sure. Aliens get the spacecraft. And what about us space explorers? Where I come from we didn't have nothin' to be proud of. Why: {clears throat; singing} When I was a young space explorer...

Pumbaa: {singing} When he was a young SPACE EXPLORER...! {blows Timon off his seatback}

Timon: {peevishly} Very nice.

Pumbaa: Thanks!

Timon: But maybe it'd be safer if I just show 'em where I came from.

Pumbaa: Oh, boy! Do we get to see where you grew up?

Timon: Yeah, Pumbaa. But it ain't pretty. {unclicks the remote} Please remain seated while the camera is in motion.

Pumbaa Sitting on the Remote
{Race to Witch Mountain is interrupted by a trailer about Terminator Salvation.}

Timon: Hey, what's going on? Pumbaa, you're sitting on the remote!

Pumbaa: Huh? Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie.

No Fortune Cookies
Timon: How convenient. Enter omniscient Justice League doppelganger right on cue.

Pumbaa: Well, you know what they say. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Timon: That's it. No more fortune cookies for you. {Timon clicks the remote; the movie resumes.}

Look Fat
Pumbaa: You really think I look fat?

Timon: {sighs} Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. You're a pig! It's a compliment.

Pumbaa: Thank you.

Pumbaa Pauses Race to Witch Mountain to Get Grubs
Pumbaa: You mind if I pause it for a second?

Timon: Sure, go ahead!

Pumbaa: Be right back. {walks off of his seat leaving Timon alone, but picks his nose and turns back and forth, and puts it on the seat and comes back} Okay, I brought you a Jumbo so we can share! {notices Timon} Were you just picking your nose?

Timon: No. I had an itch on the inside!

Timon Crying
Pumbaa: Timon, are you crying?

Timon: I'm fine! {sobs} I just have something in my eye!

Pumbaa: Here, blow.

Timon: {blows his nose with his own tissue and hands it} Here, Pumbaa.

Pumbaa: Gee, thanks!

Timon: Okay, I'm better.

Where's the Grub?
Timon: {quietly} Pumbaa... where's the grub?

Pumbaa: Puhh. {opens his mouth; the ladybug staggers out, all mauled up}

Timon: {exasperated} Ohhh. You just can't help yourself, can you?

Pumbaa: Sorry.

Timon: Okay... but this time, show a little self control.

Running
Timon: What is with the running? If you can call that running.

Pumbaa: I was giving you time to catch up!

Timon: You big lug.

Timon and Pumbaa Rewind Race to Witch Mountain
Timon: {narrating as the camera continues to truck out, ending with the silhouettes and the theater seats} Well, that's it. The big wrap-up, the happy ending, the grand finale.

Pumbaa: {whimpering} It's over already?

Timon: Well, Pumbaa. That's the thing about endings. They come at the end.

Pumbaa: {brightening} Ooh! Can we watch it again?

Timon: Pumbaa, we just saw it. Maybe tomorrow.

Ma: {entering in silhouette} Hey, what are you guys doing? {gasps as she sees the screen} You didn't tell me you were watching the movie! I wanna watch too!

Timon: Ma, we just finished. Show's over.

Ma: Well, you're just gonna have to rewind it! {She grabs Pumbaa's big remote and begins rewinding.}

Timon: {pained} Ma!

Ma: {calling offscreen} Uncle Max! We're gonna watch the movie!

Timon: {despairing} Oh, no!

Uncle Max: {entering, carrying a box of popcorn} Hey, I brought extra butter.

Simba: {entering, walking along the seatbacks} Hey, you guys are watching the movie?

Rafiki: {swinging in on vines} Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Any story worth telling is worth telling twice.

{The silhouette of Mickey Mouse walks in and sits down.}

Timon: What the...

{Snow White comes in, followed by the Dwarfs.}

Snow White: Oh, excuse me...

Happy: 'Scuse me.

Sneezy: 'Scuse me.

Doc: 'Scuse me.

Sleepy: 'Scuse me.

Bashful: 'Scuse me.

Grumpy: Get outta the way.

Timon: Who is this crowd?

{The Genie flies in and sits down in the middle, followed by Aladdin and Jasmine on the flying carpet; Belle, the Beast, Mrs. Potts and Chip, Lady and the Tramp, and the Hippo from "Fantasia" are also seated in this row.}

Timon: Hey, down in front!

{In another row, Goofy, the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, and Donald Duck are sitting; Stitch crawls down the wall and jumps from head to head until he gets to a vacant seat.}

Stitch: Oho!

Goofy: Gawrsh!

Stitch: Aloha!

Donald Duck: {unintelligible squawking; he makes fists at Stitch}

{In still another row, Quasimodo and Pocahontas sit at opposite ends of the row; Peter Pan flies in, followed by Tinker Bell, and imitates a rooster's crow. The Lost Boys all pile in, shouting. Switch to Timon's row, where he's holding two large bodies apart to keep them from squashing him.}

Timon: Watch it! {straining} Unnnh!

{Timon's row has Terk, Dumbo, Brer Bear, Mowgli, Baloo, the three gargoyles, and the three fairy godmothers from "Sleeping Beauty"; Terk and Victor the gargoyle squeeze together, and Timon squirts out from between them like a watermelon seed. He lands next to Pumbaa as the movie, still rewinding, nears the beginning.}

Timon: {resigned} Okay, buddy. You win.

Pumbaa: Sure you don't mind?

Timon: {sincere} The race to Witch Mountain! {stops rewinding to see the Columbia Pictures logo}

Pumbaa: But Timon... {fades to darkness} I still don't do so well in crowds!

Quotes

 * Alien: (after getting pranked by Timon placing a giant trampoline) The troublemaking meerkat was right! I do end up dying in a spaceship crash!


 * Pumbaa: (watching Sara imbue Jack with his mind reading ability) Maybe not?
 * Timon: You'll never give up, do you?
 * Pumbaa: Look!


 * Henry Burke: Dearly beloved to men and women, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Seth MacDonald Friedman and Sara Patterson. If anyone knows the reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.
 * Seth: But-- But you are alive, Henry!
 * Henry Burke: Am I? (chuckles) I...uh, I supposed it's...the way that I got away by these aliens, so.... (checks his tongue and looks at the book) Do you, Seth MacDonald Friedman take Sara Patterson to be your lawfully wedded wife to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?
 * Seth: Aw, yeah! I do!
 * (cut to Timon in the seat with the meerkat colony, crying; Pumbaa is standing under it)
 * Pumbaa: (off set) What are you doing? Say the vow correctly!
 * Seth: Uh huh.
 * Henry Burke: Do you, Sara Patterson take this young man to be your lawfully wedded husband to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?
 * Sara: I do.
 * Henry Burke: By the power vested in me of all alien light years over 20 years ago, I now pronounce you husband and wife. (closes the book) Well, that's that. Go ahead, Seth. You may now kiss the bride.