Shrek Forever After (TheBenOyler Style)

Synopsis
Help Timon and Pumbaa explore the journey of Shrek Forever After along with Rumpelstiltskin!

Airdates

 * May 21, 2010 (Theaters)
 * December 7, 2010 (DVD)
 * November 7, 2018 (Shrek Forever After 4½ and Only in TheBenOyler on YouTube)

Main Characters

 * Timon - Meerkat
 * Pumbaa - Giant Warthog
 * Uncle Max / Ma - Timon's parents from the meerkat colony
 * Simba - Lion
 * Rafiki - Monkey

Timon and Pumbaa at the Cinema: Shrek Forever After
{The video begins to show the 20th Century Fox logo (along to hear Pinocchio singing) celebrating 75 years.}

Timon: Well, enough of that. {He holds up a remote control and begins fast-forwarding through the movie}

{Camera pulls back to show Timon and Pumbaa in silhouette in a row of theater seats, Mystery Science Theater 3000-style.}

Pumbaa: Uh... Timon, what are you doing?

Timon: I'm fast-forwarding to the part where we come in!

Pumbaa: {aghast} But you can't go out of order!

Timon: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote!

Pumbaa: But everyone's gonna get confused! {He grabs a second, bigger remote} We gotta go back to the beginning of the story. {He begins rewinding the movie}

Timon: We're not in the beginning of the story! {He pauses the movie on Rumpelstiltskin's goose with a monkey screech, the movie begins fast-forwarding again}

Pumbaa: Yes, we were! The whole time. {rewinds; the film reverses on a shot of Shrek flying over the kingdom of Far Far Away with Donkey with a squawk of confusion}

Timon: Yeah, but they don't know that! {indicates the audience; switches the movie direction again, on the witch band, with a lion-roar sound}

Pumbaa: Then why don't we tell them our story? {pauses the movie on a snarling close-up of Rumpelstiltskin; Timon and Pumbaa both shriek and dive under their seats}

Timon: {slowly re-emerging} Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we tell him our story?

Pumbaa: Oh, I like the sound of that.

Timon: A little backstage tour. Take 'em behind the scenes for a revealing and intimate look at the story within the story!

Pumbaa: 'Cause what they don't know is how we really were there even though they didn't know we were there, you know?

Timon: Couldn't have said it better myself! {rewinds the movie again}

Pumbaa: So does this mean we're going back to the beginning?

Timon: {melodramatically} Oh, no, Pumbaa. No. We're going way back... to before the beginning.

When I Was Young....
Timon: Pumbaa, how can Crone's Nest be huge? It's enormous!

Pumbaa: Well I think the reason why Crone's Nest is what I'll call bad people.

Timon: Oh, sure. Bad people all live in Crone's Nest. Where I come from we didn't have nothin' to be proud of. Why: {clears throat; singing} When I was a young witch...

Pumbaa: {singing} When she was A YOUNG WITCH...! {blows Timon off his seatback}

Timon: {peevishly} Very nice.

Pumbaa: Thanks!

Timon: But maybe it'd be safer if I just show 'em where I came from.

Pumbaa: Oh, boy! Do we get to see where you grew up?

Timon: Yeah, Pumbaa. But it ain't pretty.

Pumbaa Sitting on the Remote
{Shrek Forever After is interrupted by Kung Fu Panda 2 and Pumbaa is sitting on the remote.}

Timon: Hey, what's going on? Pumbaa, you're sitting on the remote!

Pumbaa: Huh? Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie.

No Fortune Cookies
Timon: How convenient. Enter omniscient sorcery teller right on cue.

Pumbaa: Well, you know what they say. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Timon: That's it. No more fortune cookies for you. {clicks the remote; the movie resumes}

Look Fat
Pumbaa: You really think I look fat?

Timon: {sighs} Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. You're a pig! It's a compliment.

Pumbaa: Thank you.

Pumbaa Pauses Shrek Forever After to Get Some Grubs
Pumbaa: You mind if I pause it for a second?

Timon: Sure, go ahead.

Pumbaa: Be right back!

{Timon cracks his neck one way and then the other, grunting. As Pumbaa clatters off-screen, Timon scratches in his ear, sniffs, hums "It's a Small World After All", and casually picks his nose. Just as the sound of a popcorn popper comes to a stop, Timon pulls out a big booger, which squishes between his fingertips. He gasps as he realizes Pumbaa is coming back. He frantically looks for a tissue; seeing none, he tries to shake it off his hand, then to flick it off. Finally he wipes it on the seat just as Pumbaa returns, with a huge bag of bugs.}

Pumbaa: Okay, I got the jumbo so we could share. {He pauses for a beat, as he realizes Timon is just sitting there stock-still.} ...Were you just picking your nose?

Timon: {indignantly} Nooo, I had an itch on the inside! {He grabs some bugs and chows down, then clicks the remote.}

Timon Crying
Pumbaa: {shocked} Timon? Are you crying?

Timon: {sobbing} I'm fine! I—I just have something in my eye.

Pumbaa: {holding out a hanky} Here, blow.

Timon: Ohh. {blows his nose; hands the hanky back} Here, Pumbaa.

Pumbaa: {sarcastically} Gee, thanks.

Timon: {getting a hold of himself} Okay. I'm better.

Where's the Grub?
Timon: {quietly} Pumbaa... where's the grub?

Pumbaa: Puhh. {opens his mouth; the ladybug staggers out, all mauled up}

Timon: {exasperated} Ohhh. You just can't help yourself, can you?

Pumbaa: Sorry.

Timon: Okay... but this time, show a little self control.

Running
Timon: What was with the running? If you can call that running.

Pumbaa: I was giving you time to catch up!

Timon: You big lug.

Timon and Pumbaa Rewind Shrek Forever After
Timon: {narrating as the camera continues to truck out, ending with the silhouettes and the theater seats} Well, that's it. The big wrap-up, the happy ending, the grand finale.

Pumbaa: {whimpering} It's over already?

Timon: Well, Pumbaa. That's the thing about endings. They come at the end.

Pumbaa: {brightening} Ooh! Can we watch it again?

Timon: Pumbaa, we just saw it. Maybe tomorrow.

Ma: {entering in silhouette} Hey, what are you guys doing? {gasps as she sees the screen} You didn't tell me you were watching the movie! I wanna watch too!

Timon: Ma, we just finished. Show's over.

Ma: Well, you're just gonna have to rewind it! {grabs Pumbaa's big remote and begins rewinding}

Timon: {pained} Ma!

Ma: {calling offscreen} Uncle Max! We're gonna watch the movie!

Timon: {despairing} Oh, no!

Uncle Max: {entering, carrying a box of popcorn} Hey, I brought extra butter.

Simba: {entering, walking along the seatbacks} Hey, you guys are watching the movie?

Rafiki: {swinging in on vines} Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Any story worth telling is worth telling twice.

{The silhouette of Mickey Mouse walks in and sits down.}

Timon: What the...

{Snow White comes in, followed by the Dwarfs.}

Snow White: Oh, excuse me...

Happy: 'Scuse me.

Sneezy: 'Scuse me.

Doc: 'Scuse me.

Sleepy: 'Scuse me.

Bashful: 'Scuse me.

Grumpy: Get outta the way.

Timon: Who is this crowd?

{The Genie flies in and sits down in the middle, followed by Aladdin and Jasmine on the flying carpet; Belle, the Beast, Mrs. Potts and Chip, Lady and the Tramp, and the Hippo from "Fantasia" are also seated in this row.}

Timon: Hey, down in front!

{In another row, Goofy, the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, and Donald Duck are sitting; Stitch crawls down the wall and jumps from head to head until he gets to a vacant seat.}

Stitch: Oho!

Goofy: Gawrsh!

Stitch: Aloha!

Donald Duck: {unintelligible squawking; he makes fists at Stitch}

{In still another row, Quasimodo and Pocahontas sit at opposite ends of the row; Peter Pan flies in, followed by Tinker Bell, and imitates a rooster's crow. The Lost Boys all pile in, shouting. Switch to Timon's row, where he's holding two large bodies apart to keep them from squashing him.}

Timon: Watch it! {straining} Unnnh!

{Timon's row has Terk, Dumbo, Brer Bear, Mowgli, Baloo, the three gargoyles, and the three fairy godmothers from "Sleeping Beauty"; Terk and Victor the gargoyle squeeze together, and Timon squirts out from between them like a watermelon seed. He lands next to Pumbaa as the movie, still rewinding, nears the beginning.}

Timon: {resigned} Okay, buddy. You win.

Pumbaa: Sure you don't mind?

Timon: {sincere} Hakuna Matata. {stops rewinding}

Pumbaa: But Timon... {fades to darkness} I still don't do so well in crowds!