Thomas and the Magic Railroad (TheBenOyler Style)

Synopsis
Timon fast forwards Thomas and the Magic Railroad and tells Diesel 10, Splatter and Dodge their own story to Pumbaa even the beginning of Timon's backstory.

Airings
July 26, 2000 (Theaters)

October 31, 2000 (VHS and DVD)

October 10, 2018 (Thomas and the Magic Railroad 1½, on DVD and Only in TheBenOyler on YouTube)

Timon and Pumbaa at the Cinema: Thomas and the Magic Railroad
{The video begins with the opening credits.}

Mr. Conductor: {voiceover} Hello, I'm Mr. Conductor and I'm going to tell you a story about trains folks far apart and the magic railroad that brought them together. {The movie opens with Thomas coming out of Henry's tunnel.} Every story like a railroad has it's heroes. Meet Thomas. He's our number one hero.

Thomas: Hello!

Mr. Conductor: {voiceover} But he's running a little late today. This is the Island of Sodor where Thomas and his friends live, it's at one end to my special universe. {cuts to other engines at Knapford Station, then cuts to Percy, and cuts to more other engines over and under a bridge} I like helping out here by the invitation of Sir Topham Hatt, of course.

Timon: Well, enough of that. {He holds up a remote control and begins fast-forwarding through the movie}

{Camera pulls back to show Timon and Pumbaa in silhouette in a row of theater seats, Mystery Science Theater 3000-style.}

Pumbaa: Uh... Timon, what are you doing?

Timon: I'm fast-forwarding to the part where we come in!

Pumbaa: {aghast} But you can't go out of order!

Timon: Au contraire, my porcine pal. I've got the remote!

Pumbaa: But everyone's gonna get confused! {He grabs a second, bigger remote} We gotta go back to the beginning of the story. {He begins rewinding the movie}

Timon: We're not in the beginning of the story! {He pauses the movie on Gordon with a monkey screech, the movie begins fast-forwarding again}

Pumbaa: Yes, we were! The whole time. {rewinds; the film reverses on a shot of a coal truck with a squawk of confusion}

Timon: Yeah, but they don't know that! {indicates the audience; switches the movie direction again, on Mr. Conductor with a heap of pillows by the windmill, with a lion-roar sound}

Pumbaa: Then why don't we tell them our story? {pauses the movie on a snarling close-up of Diesel 10, Splatter and Dodge; Timon and Pumbaa both shriek and dive under their seats}

Timon: {slowly re-emerging} Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we tell them our story?

Pumbaa: Oh, I like the sound of that.

Timon: A little backstage tour. Take 'em behind the scenes for a revealing and intimate look at the story within the story!

Pumbaa: 'Cause what they don't know is how we really were there even though they didn't know we were there, you know?

Timon: Couldn't have said it better myself! {rewinds the movie again}

Pumbaa: So does this mean we're going back to the beginning?

Timon: {melodramatically} Oh, no, Pumbaa. No. We're going way back... to before the beginning.

When I Was Young...
Timon: Pumbaa, how can Thomas be the first engine? He's blue!

Pumbaa: Well I think it's because Thomas is only the tank engine.

Timon: Oh, sure. Everyone knew Thomas is first. And what about us steam engines? Where I come from we didn't have nothin' to be proud of. Why: {clears throat; singing} When I was a young steam engine...

Pumbaa: {singing} When he was a young STEAM ENGINE...! {blows Timon off his seatback}

Timon: {peevishly} Very nice.

Pumbaa: Thanks!

Timon: But maybe it'd be safer if I just show 'em where I came from.

Pumbaa: Oh, boy! Do we get to see where you grew up?

Timon: Yeah, Pumbaa. But it ain't pretty.

Pumbaa Sitting on the Remote
{Thomas and the Magic Railroad is interrupted by the commercial about Muppet RaceMania/Muppet Monster Adventure.}

Timon: Hey, what's going on? Pumbaa, you're sitting on the remote!

Pumbaa: Huh? Oh, sorry. I thought it was a brownie.

No Fortune Cookies
Timon: How convenient. Enter omniscient magic conductor right on cue.

Pumbaa: Well, you know what they say. When the student is ready, the teacher appears.

Timon: That's it. No more fortune cookies for you. {Timon clicks the remote; the movie resumes.}

Look Fat
Pumbaa: You really think I look fat?

Timon: {sighs} Pumbaa, Pumbaa, Pumbaa. You're a pig! It's a compliment.

Pumbaa: Thank you.

Pumbaa Pauses Thomas and the Magic Railroad to Get Some Grubs
Mr. Conductor: {voiceover} As the sound of Lady's magic echoed through the night on Muffle Mountain, the engines on Sodor had her very much in their thoughts.

Pumbaa: You mind if I pause it for a second?

Timon: Sure, go ahead!

Pumbaa: Be right back. {walks off of his seat leaving Timon alone, but picks his nose and turns back and forth, and puts it on the seat and comes back} Okay, I have a Jumbo so we can share! {notices Timon} Were you just picking your nose?

Timon: No. I had an itch on the inside!

Where's the Grub?
{Dawn closes in and Percy with cattle cars and Toby with Henrietta pass by each other at the windmill.}

Mr. Conductor: {voiceover} Diesel was in a dump, but the steam engines were still right on track.

Singers: ♪ He's a really useful engine you know ♪ (Thomas bumps trucks crossly and Percy passes by him as he pulls them away)

♪ All the other engines they'll tell you so ♪ (Thomas passes by a Sodor Railway sign with Annie and Clarabel)

♪ He huffs and puffs and whistles, rushing to and fro ♪ (Henry pulls the express past a station)

♪ He's the really useful engine we adore ♪ (Henry sulks in a siding behind Butch)

♪ He's a really useful engine you know ♪ (James pulls out of the Smelters Yard with a load of pipes and passes by Edward who chuffs into the smelters yard with empty cars while Toby chuffs through the countryside with Henrietta)

♪ Because the Fat Controller, he told him so ♪ (Thomas chuffs past a station with Annie and Clarabel)

♪ Now he's got a branchline to call his very own ♪ (James chuffs over a bridge with trucks and Edward passes by another line of trucks while Henry chuffs under it with a freight train and Gordon chuffs out of it with the express)

♪ He's the really useful engine we adore ♪ (Thomas puffs past other trains at Knapford Station with Annie and Clarabel)

Timon: {quietly} Pumbaa... where's the grub?

Pumbaa: Puhh. {opens his mouth; the ladybug staggers out, all mauled up}

Timon: {exasperated} Ohhh. You just can't help yourself, can you?

Pumbaa: Sorry.

Timon: Okay... but this time, show a little self control.

♪ He's the one ♪ (Thomas pulls Annie and Clarabel far away to a windmill)

♪ He's the number one, Thomas the Tank Engine ♪ (Thomas pulls Annie and Clarabel over a bridge)

♪ He's the really useful engine ♪ (Thomas pulls Annie and Clarabel past Toby and Henrietta)

♪ We adore ♪ (Thomas chuffs backwards past a Sodor Railway sign and past a glum-looking Henry)

Timon Crying
Pumbaa: Timon, are you crying?

Timon: I'm fine! {sobs} I just have something in my eye!

Pumbaa: Here, blow.

Timon: {blows his nose with his own tissue and hands it} Here, Pumbaa.

Pumbaa: Gee, thanks!

Timon: Okay. I'm better!

Running
Burnett Stone: Well done, Thomas! Well done!

Timon: What was with the running? If you can call that running.

Pumbaa: I was giving you time to catch up!

Timon: You big lug.

Timon and Pumbaa Rewind Thomas and the Magic Railroad
{The last scene shows Thomas puffing into sunset behind Killaban Station.}

Mr. Conductor: {voiceover, last lines} And so, we've come to the happy end of our story. And it's time for all of us to go home. Just like Thomas.

Timon: {narrating as the camera continues to truck out, ending with the silhouettes and the theater seats} Well, that's it. The big wrap-up, the happy ending, the grand finale.

Pumbaa: {whimpering} It's over already?

Timon: Well, Pumbaa. That's the thing about endings. They come at the end.

Pumbaa: {brightening} Ooh! Can we watch it again?

Timon: Pumbaa, we just saw it. Maybe tomorrow.

Ma: {entering in silhouette} Hey, what are you guys doing? {gasps as she sees the screen} You didn't tell me you were watching the movie! I wanna watch too!

Timon: Ma, we just finished. Show's over.

Ma: Well, you're just gonna have to rewind it! {She grabs Pumbaa's big remote and begins rewinding.}

Timon: {pained} Ma!

Ma: {calling offscreen} Uncle Max! We're gonna watch the movie!

Timon: {despairing} Oh, no!

Uncle Max: {entering, carrying a box of popcorn} Hey, I brought extra butter.

Simba: {entering, walking along the seatbacks} Hey, you guys are watching the movie?

Rafiki: {swinging in on vines} Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Any story worth telling is worth telling twice.

{The silhouette of Mickey Mouse walks in and sits down.}

Timon: What the...

{Snow White comes in, followed by the Dwarfs.}

Snow White: Oh, excuse me...

Happy: 'Scuse me.

Sneezy: 'Scuse me.

Doc: 'Scuse me.

Sleepy: 'Scuse me.

Bashful: 'Scuse me.

Grumpy: Get outta the way.

Timon: Who is this crowd?

{The Genie flies in and sits down in the middle, followed by Aladdin and Jasmine on the flying carpet; Belle, the Beast, Mrs. Potts and Chip, Lady and the Tramp, and the Hippo from "Fantasia" are also seated in this row.}

Timon: Hey, down in front!

{In another row, Goofy, the Mad Hatter, the March Hare, and Donald Duck are sitting; Stitch crawls down the wall and jumps from head to head until he gets to a vacant seat.}

Stitch: Oho!

Goofy: Gawrsh!

Stitch: Aloha!

Donald Duck: {unintelligible squawking; he makes fists at Stitch}

{In still another row, Quasimodo and Pocahontas sit at opposite ends of the row; Peter Pan flies in, followed by Tinker Bell, and imitates a rooster's crow. The Lost Boys all pile in, shouting. Switch to Timon's row, where he's holding two large bodies apart to keep them from squashing him.}

Timon: Watch it! {straining} Unnnh!

{Timon's row has Terk, Dumbo, Brer Bear, Mowgli, Baloo, the three gargoyles, and the three fairy godmothers from "Sleeping Beauty"; Terk and Victor the gargoyle squeeze together, and Timon squirts out from between them like a watermelon seed. He lands next to Pumbaa as the movie, still rewinding, nears the beginning.}

Timon: {resigned} Okay, buddy. You win.

Pumbaa: Sure you don't mind?

Timon: {sincere} Thomas' magic railway. {stops rewinding and sees the Destination Films logo}

Pumbaa: But Timon... {fades to darkness} I still don't do so well in crowds!