Shrek/Quotes

Quotes
[first lines]

Shrek: Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love's first kiss. [a green hand rips out a page and closes it] Like that's never gonna happen! What a load of...

[A sound of toilet flushing is heard, then Shrek comes out of the toilet, as the song "All Star" begins to play.]

Ogre Hunter #2: There he is. Let's get him!

Ogre Hunter #1: Woah, hold on! Do you know what that thing can do to you?

Ogre Hunter #3: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread!

Homer: [chuckles] Well actually, that would be a giant! Now, ogres - oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.

Ogre Hunter #4: [waving the torch at Shrek] Back, beast! Back! I warned you! [Shrek licks his fingers, extinguishing his torch.] Right.

Shrek: ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!!! [waits until the villagers have stopped screaming]

[silence]

Shrek: This is the part where you run away. [This made the villagers and hunters run away.] Yeah. [laughs] And stay out! [reads a poster] Wanted: Fairy Tale Creatures.

Baby Bear: [crying] This cage is just too...small.

Pinocchio: I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy! [grows nose]

Captain: 5 shillings for a possessed toy. Take it away.

Captain: [to old lady] Right. That's good for 10 shillings if you can prove it.

Old Lady: [removes rope to Donkey] Hey go ahead, little fella.

Captain: Well?

Old Lady: [laughs] He's just really nervous. He's quite a chatter box.

Captain: That's it. I've had enough. Guards!

Old Lady: No. He does. [moves Donkey's lips] I can talk. I love to talk! I'm the talkin'est damn thing you ever saw.

Captain: [annoyed] Get her outta my sight.

Old Lady: No no, I swear! [a cage of Tinker Bell landed on Donkey's head, making him fly]

Donkey: Hey, I can fly!

Peter Pan: He can fly!

Three Pigs: Donkey's flying!

Captain: He can TALK!

Donkey: That's right, fool. And I'm a flying, talking donkey. Might've seen a housefly. Maybe even a superfly. But you ain't never seen a donkey fly. [notices running out of gravity] Uh-oh. [lands on the ground]